Predicting/ Preventing your child's Negative Behavior

     Got your attention?  This title got our attention too.  This was a 1 hour phone conference we participated in last week.  It was meant for both parents and educators to benefit from.  Although we both know and already do these things, (and they really were not secrets to us), these helpful hints when working with toddlers serve as great reminders!  We thought we would pass along the notes we took on the class, in case they might be helpful to you or someone you know!  If you have any further questions about this or would like clarification, please let us know.

Thank you,
Wendy and Jen
Peek -A-Boo! Home Daycare

5 Secrets to Predicting and Preventing Your Child's Negative Behavior

By, Jill Vetstein (A licensed social worker specializing in early childhood development)


1.  Behavior is communication

          Children are telling us something through behavior.  Children want to feel validated, heard and understood.  If they continue a behavior, it can be (not always is) that they are trying to tell you something and you are not listening, so they will go louder and continue with more behaviors.  Make sure you muster up some empathy before you react, to see if your child is trying to tell you something.

2.  You cannot change a behavior unless you understand why it is happening in the
      first place

          Do not jump at the behavior only.  Validate the feelings of the message.  Again, ask yourself why the child might be doing this and what it is they might need to learn.  Think about a child who is a biter.  There are 2 common causes of why a child bites.  First is that they are teething and second, something is being taken away from them.  If they are teething, they need relief of their mouth pain, which is why they are biting.  Understanding this, there are things you can do to prevent this and ease the pain.  In the case of someone taking something away, you can stop the other child from taking things.  Only telling the child who is biting not to bite, does not solve the situation.  That child will feel more frustrated because their toy is still being taken.  The cycle will continue and possibly get worse.

3.  Children learn through cause and effect

          This simply means that when I do something, something is going to happen.  Children naturally test their boundaries through this theory.  You see it; think about bedtime, dinner time, etc.  Have you ever wondered why your child does something for you but not your spouse or acts differently at daycare?  This is simply what is going on.  When you have a child who is not satisfied with the results of how you react to their behaviors, they will test longer and those behaviors can come out in different ways.  This is usually when you see your child "act out."  The way to help your child learn consequences is to be CONSISTENT EVERY TIME.  Make sure that everyone working with your child is doing the SAME thing.

4.  Be Consistent

          I know we have all had our children wake up WAY too early.  One morning Mommy will go to the child and soothe him/her. The second morning Daddy will go in and put him/her back down with a drink.  The third morning you are both exhausted so nobody goes in. The fourth morning another member of the family is awakened so Mommy tries again and this time the child comes in bed with the parents.  Then everything seems to be fine, and in a couple of weeks the cycle begins again.  The problem is that nobody is being consistent, and the child (being way too smart no matter how tired) is testing cause and effect. Since there is no consistency, the child learns how to wake up early and does not learn how to self soothe back to sleep, which is a vital part of development.  This then creates a child who is too tired, and this goes back to number 2 which is, you cannot change a behavior unless you understand why it is happening in the first place.  This child then becomes over tired, which could lead to hurting other children once again.  You need to work with the sleep, then the hitting.
          This same theory can go for the bed time routine.  Now you have a child wanting to go potty an extra time tonight, needing a drink the next night, then an extra book the next and so on and so forth. Suddenly you realize that now the routine you worked so hard for is gone and your child is SO tired because he/she is up late, grumpy the next day and doing negative behaviors, all because your child wanted to test cause and effect and the parents were not consistent.  (I, Jennifer Calef, am guilty of this one.  Laura still sneaks into Mommy's bed.  Wendy had one of her children sleeping with her well into toddler years too.)

5.  Children learn through repetition

          It is developmentally appropriate for children to experiment with cause and effect until the are satisfied.  They need to do things over and over, whether it is learning a new skill or taking a toy from someone else.  If they are not satisfied with their result, then they are going to have to repeat it to prove their theory.  We need to accept this as adults.  If we know that they will test, then we can use these negative behaviors as teachable moments.  We also need to find the triggers.  If we listen to the child's cues and focus on the message of why they are doing what they are doing, then we can see things through their eyes and try to help them learn better ways of handling situations.

          These are all things we do every day.  When working with toddlers and preschoolers, we learn the triggers of each individual situation and teach the children new ways of doing things.  This is age appropriate.  We all know that sometimes there seem to be no triggers.  When this happens, we need to remember to keep our lines of communication open so we can all find a way to help the child.  After following all these steps, we can count on help from Early Intervention and Pediatricians to guide us to find the answers to our difficult child rearing dilemmas. We hope you have learned something and can share this message with others.  Again, if you have questions, please do not hesitate to contact either of us. 

Pajama Day

PAJAMA DAY!

Past Few Months Recap

Hi Moms and Dads (and Grandmas too),
    I know it has been awhile, but I have not forgotten about posting things.  I would like to take a few minutes and recap the past few months.  We have been SO busy!  Among other things, the children have been making new friends, learning how to get along, experimenting with colors, counting, singing, seeing what happens to snow when it gets warm, having parties, making Snow Angels and snowmen, making tracks in the snow with their feet and the cars, making tracks in the mud, learning some sign language and just being plain old SILLY!  I hope your new year got off to as good of a start as ours!  Enjoy the pictures! (Sorry they are all over the place.  They would not cooperate)

Jen and Wendy